2018 - Check-in 08 August

This thought hits home a lot - I can think of New haven CT, Farmville, VA and 2ndary Infertility!!!

Checkin' IN!!!

So, while running last night in NYC Central park and trying not to melt:

I had a thought pass through my mind.  A lot of times in conversation, someone shares a story.  This story is either someone beaming with satisfaction and sharing from a few points of view - confidence, cockiness, self depreciating or shame.  As a participant in conversation, we tend to want to immediately share in those stories regardless - i caught myself on facebook seeing a post from someone in C26 where I started to pen a me too thing, but caught myself, and then stated something along the lines of affirming this persons accomplishment.  I feel that oft-times, in haste we start to steal someone's thunder.  That is our conversational culture, especially in the USA.  Its fine to share, and get caught up and celebrate, but is that what we are truly and authentically doing?  Or are we doing something else, b/c we are not actively engaged in the present and ever mindful of the state of ourselves and our other person in the conversation? 

For me, this was a positive affirmation of someone's confidence.  In sharing what I almost shared before simplifying, I would have over run this person accomplishment in an effort to share my perspective, without concern and most assuredly over running the other's confidence.  Look, I can only control what I can control, so I caught myself.  And said Solid work.  Hopefully affirming and acknowledging this persons hard earned reward.

Anyway, this was in my thoughts and then I had this experience of follow through in the morning. 

Also travel on MOnday was so all over.  Trains were disrupted into the hotel from JFK and after getting on the 3rd train, I over hear someone talking about 'Cache Valley Century".  I was like di you just say, and one of the two couples is like OMG .  So 2 couples on vacation - all of them had gone to school at USU, some completed others not - c'mon ladies, don't let your m husbands keep you from your degree.  It was a fun and light and good conversation after running around for who knows why, and I got my why.  Not to mention, earlier a fellow Run4fun group member caught me in the SLC airport and introduced himself.  It was too kind.  And apparently my beard makes me easy to find.  It was a compliment unbeknownst to him.  So, a great day of being human and reminding myself that it's ok to be human.  It's a RAW and humbling experience.

That's what I am coming to remember about why i TRI.  It truly is a rehearsal for life.  It's a safe space for me to push my envelopes.  It's a place for me to go and catharsis with self - therapy in a sense, to off load negative stress and keep it away from those I love (namely Liz, my wife and my kids).  It's a place to realize that consistency trumps epic, but epic is still ok.  It's a place to celebrate, to be alone, to collaborate with like-minded folks, to look up to people and to be an example to others (known/unknown).  As I mentioned its a rehearsal for life.  In fairness a fellow C26 athlete coined the phrase and it just resonated with me.

So, last thoughts.  Liz stated the other day that I need to get off my butt and get back to things.  It's tough as a Dad/husband that travels.  Our family dynamic is new and changing and different.  All life challenges that at times contradict being consistent and staying in front of difficult stressers and disruptors.  Kids are disruptors, that is what they are at their current ages.  It is their  nature and it is by design in a large degree.  So, identifying a way to not devalue me as a Dad while also wanting to particpate in 70.3 and 140.6 triathlon distances is a juggling act.  I am confiednet I can find the recipe, and need to trust in the support my wife is offering.  I think what is currently bothering me is not seeing her have the satisfaction she seeks in getting back to where she wants to for a myriad of challenging reasons, and many of them are from previous or ongoing physical challenges/injuries.  Years ago, Liz fell down our flight of stairs with Dennis (now 12).  she never fully recovered and has a challenge with her back.  Many choose not to acknowledge or identify with this.  It's a bit disconcerting b/c I know she feels the shades of judgments from various folks (well meaning, misunderstood, or down right critical b/c the folks are just that shallow - yup i said it). 

I tend to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  I do wear my thoughts and emotions on my sleeve, and often time keep my thoughts to myself.  I live behind a filter especially as things pertain to triathlon and running and fitness.  I try to celebrate the accomplishments of others, and accentuate the things going on now and let the past and future resolve itself byt the other person - b/c I can't control them, nor do I want to.  That's for them, so I choose to try and focus on the 'now'.  Anyway, my wife has been forgotten by many.  She gives her whole self to potential friends who often  don't return a fraction of her efforts.  She gets silently hurt and carries on.  One of the many reasons I know she is a good fit for me.  I still remember her sitting with the 'loner's' while we were in school and trying to boost them up if even for a few moments (whether she failed or succeeded wasn't important, she just did it).   So I guess this is my reminder to be kind to our fellow activity mates.  To be thoughtful, and not steal their thunder and allow them space to be more confident and avoid the feelings of self-doubt, failure and ultimately fear.

I guess, I'm still maturing and growing up.  Just being reminded of things.  This tends to happen during my swims, cycling and running sessions.  It happened while trying to meet the wicked witch of the east last night in central park - NYC.

Activities - 

I use the following trackers:

• Garmin Connect (which pushes the files to the following services):
• Training Peaks
• Strava
• and the ones I don't remember (Map my stuff via Under Armour and things like the Great Bicycle ride initiative stuff)

Honestly, I mainly use Training Peaks as I pay for an annual subscription on it now, and it is the most detailed in data and other helpful information to keep me where I want to go.

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