2019 - September 24 - Check in - Thoughts, patience, and more

Checkin' IN!!!

FB Thought and response to a friend about the difficulty in training, life, work balance dynamics.

My response to a FB post. The poster and I have met volunteering at an Onhill Events race and is a stellar person. I am grateful to be able to glimpse good people through social media outlets.

All the time KG
This went longer than I expected, but I wanted to share. Discard as needed. 　
I tend to think of it this way. We have to be reasonable and sensible - managing the 'what is needed for me' and then 'the family dynamic' and this 'hobby thing' - we pay for- we are not paid. So, having patience with self, allowing space for grace - mistakes, adaptations, recalibrating expectations and celebrating when we get it all right or even just the small steps. It's a nightmare at times, but, missing a workout here or there will not disrupt a journey if we are patient and take a common-sense approach. I keep reminding myself, "unreasonable expectations are just future resentments". It has been the HARDEST thing for me to adapt and re-calibrate to changing and evolving circumstances. Especially recently - again. lol

Don't get out on a lonely island, remember your greatness, your potential and accept your weaknesses and be as smart and kind to yourself as possible.

Last night during my swim at 10:15 PM, b/c that's where it landed with work, life, adulting, kiddos etc - is where I was able to talk myself through the chaos. And I remembered to just breathe, and not drown while swimming - that's important, too. I now push a single and a double stroller - I am adding more walks to get our kiddos to be less FULL of LIMITLESS energy stores and include them where I can - mainly runs and pool time where possible - I'm not really good at it and weather is coming, but trying.

For my training, I tend to look at things in the week. I approach it from an a la carte perspective, but my Training Peaks summaries are often more green than yellow or red. It's sprinkled with a few I just give up weeks too. I multisport but I think it applies to just running, also. First, I have adopted the run slower to run faster approach (but I still find myself in z3/4 too often, but getting better). I am having to break activities apart (2 a days or oops can't fit a 6 mile run today but I can do a 5k today and a 5 miler tomorrow to net out the 8 miles I needed over the next 3 days, and I just got a rest day out of it) and I am learning to trust in overall volume, with some specific and purposeful goals for each activity - so if I need to hit 20 miles running and 3 swims and a bike ride, I have to look at overall stress and fatigue and at times re-calibrate goals from pace driven to volume, and trust that the outcome is ENOUGH. Week to week looks nothing like my training plans in 2014/2015 - plus I am older, crankier, face the taper monster and hangry - but have a wonderful spouse, cool kids, and my human needs are mainly filled.

At my last 70.3 half Ironman in May 2019 - this approach helped me start and come across the line with a perspective that I think CS can confirm, it was an AWESOME day, not my best, but to come across the line and have my son give me 5 and then meet up with my wife and girls, and my wife said - 'you just don't look torn up today' it was like her 2nd or 3rd comment post-event/race. I find I have to pause at times, breathe, and keep the joy in this hobby, otherwise motivation tanks, and I become the taper monster guy. I don't like that guy.

Reading through the thread before I post this LONG post, please, please please don't feel guilty about missing a group or social run or a training dot - its a singular point on a large map of effort - please step back and look at that big picture - at least for me that's where I am humbled and reminded and find the gratitude that is needed for me to keep humaning. Please just be honest, and true to yourself - it's difficult, but it's working for me, and I hear many others too. Hope you figure it out for you, you ARE NOT alone - all best! One foot in front of the other 　

Hope this helped :/

Yup That's right! May 14, 2020

So, Liz and I, found out by accident that we may have a little surprise. So, in my ever so Shane way - I nonchalantly, was like - "Liz go get the bloodwork", then I am verbally 'smacked' with "that is all!?!?!?" I am getting more excited but with reservations. It's just so early on. We have told parents and those in our closest to us circles, as it is only about 7 or so weeks along and Liz has been fighting the ills of morning sickness and the pregnancy-flu (not really flu) and dealing with that. That being said, we are grateful and after a first ultrasound last week, they identified the little nugget and implantation is clear and there is no doubt. The initial date is May 14.

So, circling up to the thoughts and discussion from above. I see so many viewpoints around things. The issue is often what is the clearest method for the 'individual'. I find often that folks have the toughest time putting themselves 'on the balcony'. Although this is a clever du jour term for clueless mindfulness types, pausing and resetting for a moment or a lot more is often healthy. It begins with recognizing that it is a need. Sometimes we get so lost in the tasks that we don't stop long enough to measure backwards a bit so we can determine our correct forward course. Sometimes to move forward, we have to remove obstacles or build bridges, but when we are so entrenched without the proper vantage point, we can't assess the situation.

Bilbo above Mirkwood - on the balcony -- "Is there no end to this accursed forest?" said Thorin. "Somebody must climb a tree and see if he can get his head above the roof and have a look round...."

The curious thing I find for me is what triggers me to know or identify that it is time to pause. Someone said something in a triathlete group a few days ago about unsolicited advice -

Never offer unsolicited advice, it never is well received and even less often is it absorbed.

But like Thorin to the hobbit, the burglar, we often impart free advice to others (Free b/c you should use what you need and discard the rest) - but we often forget to take our own free advice we peddle to others and are frustrated when it is not acted upon. Liz, pointed this out to me once, and it was tough to handle, stomach, receive and eat. Eating crow at times is a humbling thing. However, it was part of the growth mindset and very contextual for me. Sure, I have a long way to go and try to adapt and grow and change as needed, and other times I am just a stubborn cuss yelling at myself and others to:

Get off my Lawn!

One of my favorite movie scenes is from 25th hour, a Spike Lee joint film, where Monty Brogan's (Edward Norton) famous monologue about post 9/11 America. It's rife with language but the monologue is interesting because instead of directly addressing the audience, Monty addresses his singular self and his own reflection. However, the clip is by no means subtle and rife with the most tactile word in the English language. Mental turmoil is presented through a man arguing with his own reflection and it often seems tactless - but it is self-directed. The shocking intensity of the conversation stylistically overshadows this bold representation and hammers home his imminent loss and surrender of personal rights, freedoms, and in the end his guilts, griefs, and self mental mutilation from his own personal choices - now that accountability has caught up with him. What I find insanely interesting is how this diatribe, rant, and journey into self-introspection lasts as long as it does. If I can stay in front of things iteratively, that is to say, address the chaos and issues (good/bad, other) as they appear, then for me these will be micro rants and I can deal with them along the way. The takeaway, don't bottle it all up and have an epic rant.

The main reason I illustrate this example using the Monty Brogan rant is it demonstrates being open and raw with oneself. Maybe too raw, but it serves as an example. I know that I must have the courage and the foresight to do this either figuratively or literally from time to time. In my upbringing, I was brought up in a faith-based structure. To that end, the meditation style I was taught and learned and have adapted to me is prayer. Yes, in my circumstance I believe it is a conduit between me personally and deity - it may be similar or different for you. However, what I have learned is the following:

I can adapt the prayer/meditation to work in public and private settings
I can always be in a quasi meditative state

I subscribe to always carry a prayer in your heart philosophy

The actual time can vary from 2 - 3 minutes to 10 minutes or more

I can fit it to the need

The mindfulness concepts were already a part of me by the time it became top-of-mind for others
I find myself doing this in the pool, on my bike, or while running
it's a great way to cleanse the chaos of stressors that I can't control, but can acknowledge and move beyond without conversing too long

I guess what I am getting at, is it is good regardless of how it is done and if it is faith-based or other to stop, pause, breathe and focus on either letting go, dialing in or whatever technique is required. Having a safe personal space, a sanctuary of sorts is developed and many 'leadership' concepts strive to describe this technique as 'getting on the balcony'. I have heard a person I respect call it giving yourself 'space for grace'. This space, this pause, this opportunity gives me a moment to inventory things. Often times I have to pare it down to a few specific focus points so that it is not overwhelming. In endurance sports, especially as a hobbyist, I have to do this from time to time.

To survive, create a sanctuary where you can reflect on the previous day’s journey, renew emotional resources, and recalibrate your moral compass.

Great athletes can at once play the game and observe it as a whole—as Walt Whitman described it, “being both in and out of the game.” Jesuits call it “contemplation in action.” Hindus and Buddhists call it “karma yoga,” or mindfulness. It is also referred to as “getting off the dance floor and going to the balcony,” an image that captures the mental activity of stepping back in the midst of action and asking, “What’s really going on here?”

Those 'looking in the mirror' moments are often tough to make time for, but the more consistent I am, I find that they aren't as difficult because I have not stored up more than needed. That being said, sometimes life just all hits at once.

For example, you misread the excitement of your wife alerting you to a full ironman distance occurring on May 02, 2020 in St George. Then finally making peace with things, and having to travel to a new customer transition with a high profile and massive amounts of volatility, then to find out that you are getting involved with seemingly endless fires chasing appearing at critical customer sites. Then dealing with an adolescing teen, that is quite wonderful, but is still a teen. Two super energetic full of passion for life girls under four. Then having your wife alert you to a potential pregnancy and having it confirmed (honestly ecstatic but it's a slow-burning match). Facing deferral options for May 2 as the preliminary due date for wife is May 14 and she tends to deliver 2-3 weeks early. Then, being thrown into the fire drills of a very volatile customer. And another fun one, wife having the worst hormonal disruption and 'pregnancy-flu' and morning sickness all at once. Yes, the Perfect Storm is raging! Chaos, much of which I cannot control!

So, please pardon myself, while I am processing the change, adapting to its options and holding on to every piece of sanity with my awesome wife and family. I got a solid 1-mile swim in the other night and it felt good to get it out. Although I did admittedly walk around the Wal-mart on the edge of hyponatremia after playing with hypoxic situations in the water. A few best efforts, then 70 percent easy with 30 % all-out efforts, and moderate in between laps. It was a good swim. It was great to be next to a swimmer that was taking their time through their workout and ignoring what I was doing but we were swimming similar paces doing different things. Still, I have one pool tool, and that is a pull buoy -- See - pull buoy and swim mindset post (Click Here). I still am in this thing called triathlon, and I am trying to find my rhythm and keep my wife and family happily moving along.

So don't be afraid, to "get on the balcony" - whatever that means for you, to be introspective and focus on specific things to you so that your library of you is better and more available to those to whom place their trust and confidence in you. Make the time and do it more often so it's not a huge hurdle. It's the small consistent actions that make the biggest differences. Sometimes it is not until we pause, break, and even stop! And that is where we can see the bigger picture, and take an inventory and see growth and opportunity for growth. Where we can adapt and recalibrate what were once strengths and have faltered, or weaknesses that are becoming closer to their potential strengths.

So I repeat what I said to my running community friend - We have to be reasonable and sensible - managing the 'what is needed for me' and then 'the family dynamic' and this 'hobby thing' - we pay for- we are not paid. So, having patience with self, allowing space for grace - mistakes, adaptations, recalibrating expectations and celebrating when we get it all right or even just the small steps. It's a nightmare at times, but, missing a workout here or there will not disrupt a journey if we are patient and take a common-sense approach. I keep reminding myself, "unreasonable expectations are just future resentments". It has been the HARDEST thing for me to adapt and re-calibrate to changing and evolving circumstances. Especially recently - again. lol

I like this song and thought I'd share. "Such Great Heights" by Iron & Wine. I tried to find the most official version of this song so copyright isn't an issue. Fingers crossed.

A worthwhile Crushing Iron podcast that goes along with my thoughts #286 - Finding Genuine Satisfaction In Training (Click Here)