2020 - 24 February Check in - Moving forward on deferment

Minutes before heading out to catch the plane to Long Beach. The kiddos and me!

Checkin' IN!!!

So, this has been floating ahead of me and my family for some time. So, here I sit, after this morning before leaving to travel for work, I sent the email. I sent the email asking about a deferral from the Ironman on May 2nd in St George Utah. Yes, it is time. I signed up shortly after last 70.3 in haste. Then shortly after, Liz and I received the great news that kidlet 4 is inbound.

It's awesome. Life is already chaotically disruptive among the joy and happiness we are seeking and trying to teach - Dennis, Juniper and Astrid to try to obtain and discover in their own little ways. It's been one of those brash decisions that I get to pony up and deal with. Grateful, that I am healthy weel, and that Liz still keeps me around.

So, I sent the email and am on a plane and waiting to hear about the exact opportunities I have before me. What I am thinking tho is the following:

If the deferral is like what I think, I will recalibrate and select from the following:

IM Chatanooga
IM Texas
IM Wisconsin
IM TBD - Sacramento may have an announcement if not - Santa Rosa

Keep things smaller and local and get back on track

Maybe Ice Breaker (click here) Saturday, March 21st, 2020
Cache Valley Triathlon in July (Click Here) Saturday, July 11, 2020
Bear Lake 70.3 (Click Here) Sat September 19, 2020
Kokopelli (Sand Hollow) - Click Here Sat September 19, 2020

Keep concentrating on blocks and periodizations to focus on Swim, Bike and Run to build my base in each so that next year I am ready for a long day of suffering.

I am steering clear of finite outcomes and goals, rather I'd like to lay the cornerstones and foundations of strong patterns that will carry be to whatever happens on that day. The difficulty will be I will most likely have to travel alone. I have a semi-local friend that may be transferring and deferring too, so maybe we can align things. IF not. I am grateful that Team Zoot allowed me an opportunity to be a travelling billboard for them. It has allowed me the opportunity to already connect with folks in Long Beach so I don't go stale.

Being an adult and having triathlon and endurance sports as a hobby is an interesting paradigm. Look, I get it. I am passive-aggressive, mildly A-type and harbor psycho/sociopath tendencies. I live through a filter, where I have been able to use things I learn in the monotony and joy of triathlon training how to increase my tolerance thresh holds. I imagine Liz can attest that I was already a pretty decent dude, but since allowing triathlon and endurance activities to invigorate and awaken me from being dulled to life - I am quite grateful to this hobby. Along the way, I am grateful that Mike Tarrolly from Crushing Iron reached out to me and asked me to look into that tribe and community. Although I haven't been able to align life to match up with their coaching opportunities, I have received much more than I have returned to him or Coach Robbie. Sure at times, I throw support dollars their way when our fiscal responsibilities don't demand it. That being said, I was truly on a lonely island. It was not any bodies fault but my own. Liz has always been great to me.

Secondary infertility, however, was a definite pain in the ass. That being said, now looking back at those dreadful 9 years, the effects on me and subsequently the absence I gave to Liz was not healthy for either of us. Grateful we weathered that storm in our own ways and finally got on similar pages. Who would have thought that we would have another - Juniper, let alone Astrid and now the little parasite that we don't have a name for yet. Maybe P4 is a good placeholder for now. Look, I don't know that I would go so far to say that endurance sports saved me, but it gave me a space to be courageous for me, in a place wherein male machismo or whatever it is called, allowed me to get introspective and personally cathartic.

I was able to go into my runs, and bike rides and ultimately into my swim sessions and just offload all the trash of the business work week. I didn't listen to music, as I wanted to learn to be present, available and in the moment. Along the way, I re-learned what stillness was. I learned how wonderful a wife I have. I learned that life was just plain hard. Life is hard for everyone. My hard isn't comparable to another's hard, but it isn't any less either. I learned that riding around the great Cache Valley that I had no clue how close I was driving near cyclists and runners and disrespecting the absolute essence of life. Humans are fragile. Humans are volatile, and many are mentally conflicted, I guess I was in my own way, too. I learned that while cars and trucks passed within mere inches of me at the time, how important it is to return home safe and intact for my wife and family. I learned a lot from the various calamities from the noise of Social Media and other factors/sources of life that were vying for my energy and attention. That noise and associated sources were not worth more time than acknowledging where it was coming from. It wasn't that it was worthless, because each stream of 'noise' gave me a point of measurement to understand how far from "being still" that I truly was. Once I was able to filter it out and distil it to what should be acknowledged and what should get my priority I was able to move forward.

“Distractions are everywhere. Notice what takes your attention, acknowledge it, and then let it go.” @headspace Instagram

I think that is where I have internalized for me what my true nature is and where I like to find comfort in my shoes. There isn't too much that sets me off outside of impatience and intolerance -- I often see this in myself while travelling, or example from today, the huff of an impatient 'OMG' while I was grabbing a superfoods salad at a local place in Long Beach. I have come to learn I don't know what the person was carrying to get them to that layer of frustration, but I can control that I don't want to be like that and let time force my hand - let's not add the fact that I was running against a deadline to jump on a critical work meeting and into a hotel room with reliable internet access. I digress.

So back to the focus of the deferral from Ironman St George. I have been trying to get started and each time, -- roll Robbie and Mikes Crushing Iron Podcast

We're Late to our own Party - Robbie Bruce

As I listened, I was like yup, because that is what I have been doing since November, because I have been making more efforts to focus on Liz and our family's needs and pushing aside my needs which include readying up for this Ironman (2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike and 26.2-mile run).

So the free deferral option looks like -

Athletes who register on or before August 19, 2019 are eligible to defer their entry into an eligible 2021 IRONMAN, free of charge. Eligible IRONMAN events are any full distance IRONMAN within the United States or Canada. All deferral requests will be honored until March 18, 2020 regardless of the reason for deferral. The deferral may only be used once. Athletes who elect to defer their entries forfeit any partial refund, ability to transfer or insurance refund. To submit a deferral request please contact stgeorge@ironman.com.

So, the question is how to control what I can control, how to be the dad I want to be and the husband Liz and I need me to be along the way? I think that will be determined as we confront, react and adapt to the things that come our way. Weather is starting to get into that dicey space in Cache Valley. I joke a lot about it being the time of year that Mother Nature and Old man Winter are negotiating their sleeping arrangements. It's warming up and then freezing again. It's kind of crazy this time of year, because you will think, hey it seems like a good time for a run, get ready walk outside and it just snowed 3 inches, then walk out the next morning to 45-50 degrees, and I should have gotten out earlier.

What I think I need to concentrate on is re-establishing my consistency. I need to re-invigorate my base, get my personal; weight and discipline my eating and fueling needs. I want to up my swimming fitness and begin extending my distance and get away from my pacing. I want to swim strong and comfortable at the longer distances too and I need to figure that out. My recent swims have been solid and sub 1:40 mins per 100 yards and I need to start extending the distance and time.

I have started to run again, and I always forget after a break the patience and the discipline that is required. How nutrition changes a bit as I want to eat all-the-things and the proper way to approach recovery. I have to be smart about things especially as the kiddos need me in various aspects as well as Liz. I was thinking about grabbing a trainer the two prevailing choices are:

My thinking is two-fold here. First, I can train as I can when I find a 30 minute or 1-hour block here and there. Cycling is almost all z2-3 for me and will allow me to get this stupid belly annoyance back to manageable for me. It will be right next to me in my office staring at me and screaming, you know you want to ride me. I can then maybe keep rides outdoors a bit smaller so I can be most accessible when kidlet 4 shows up. I don't know if that is what will happen but that is my thoughts.

So far, the late-night swim routine and taking the kiddos swimming is also working. Maybe I will even get lucky and we will see Dennis want to swim more and maybe take another go at one of the above events with me, just for him though without a focus on me being with him, or maybe he would like that and he can beat dad. Who knows, maybe we will see, as I am truly just trying to build up my base and not try to win anything. This is about a happy, healthy, fit and joyful journey.

Anyway, thought I would get some of my thoughts out and about as this deferral thing has been weighing on us a bit. We know it is what I need to do, and now that the March 18th deadline is approaching I have set things in motion. I have an open ticket with the folks at IM St George and waiting to hear back. I am bummed that I will have to defer, but it is not only the prudent thing to do but it is the right thing to do and the way to do it without destroying me or my family in the process and the associated commitments. Now we will see how other things align and how life ebbs and flows. I am really trying to align myself with the headspace I am in and try to bring myself to align with where my head is at and get my body to follow. Now, that would be nice. Ok, need to grab some socks before my run.

For my run, it was a good run. I started slow and then tore down the downhill with control and then I tried to control the hill. I was curious to see and view the lights. Oh, the city lights. In the end, it was a solid run and I am sure there were plenty faster than me, but I felt ok.

Hopefully, they aren't too horribly priced in Long Beach as I tend to prefer Balega's. Going to Give Runners High a chance at my dollars. No, they did not get my dollars, they had some balegas, one size and one color. It was underwhelming but I did not get a good look at their shoes. Oh well, big building poor stock.

Cheers! Happy Monday!

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