Et Voila, I tri! - Diary of my journey(s). Observations! #Zentriathlete, #familybalancetri, #zenfamily


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10 February 2010

reflections or....

So I've been pondering and thinking about things.....I'm quite frustrated at this point about how the state of Virginia has reacted and been dealing with 'Snowmageddon'.  First of all, this is not a lot of snow, and to continually here this isn't normal and we are not prepared, it's a sobering thought.  Dennis is on his, I lost count, 5,6,7th snow day now.  The road maintenance is hindered by the fact that the state cut and released up to 20% (rumor, hasn't been confirmed) of their department of transportation personnel and were not well suited to deal with this storm.  This is complicated by the fact that the meeting to deal with 'global warming' was cancelled this week because of (dot dot dot) BLIZZARD!!!

I learned this week that if something happens twice in the South it is considered tradition.  So apparently we have a snow tradition in Virginia and everyone is pissed about it.  This state has a rich tradition that is entrenched in civil rights history and effects both good/bad concerning this issue.  Well, the people here are very much entrenched in racism.  Whether they are bigotted and believe they are better than another, or whether they just do not believe they are worth anything.

I rushed home from work today to be able to get Dennis and I to his favorite Daddy son activity, the YMCA.  Not because we spend time together, rather he gets to go to the children's center and just have a great time...then he comes out and asks when we can go back to Utah.  I am not sure if this is normal behavior for a 3-4 year old that has moved across the country, to continually mention that he wants his daddy's daddy and Big Steve to get another truck and take us back.  I know that the last two years has been a struggle on my family. My wife and I decided to pursue the Yale thing and that fizzled out after 8 months.  I came to the distinct impression that it was no longer the right thing to do.  Now that we are here at Longwood, I have been here long enough to know that if I don't get moving that i will lose footing and opportunities and me having moved to take a position as Associate Registrar at the most prestigious Law School in the world was all for naught.

I am grateful that i have been able to have more time with my family,  to try and help my wife during her times of struggle with infertility, not having me around for 8-9 months, having a wild child, being a vegetarian in a meat-eaters world, being a leftie in a righties world, not having a ton of friends or anything to really do in this town.  I am grateful to see my son more and to see his beaming smile when he comes yelling 'Daddy' when I walk in just to see him go to, Daddy, why are you going back to work. It has been a great blessing and opportunity to be able to move across the country, with health, safety, peace of mind (um yeah, hardly) and my wife and son.

Every day I encounter having to choose between doing the 'right' thing and please or appeasing those I report to.  I am not sure where we will be in the next 2 years, 5 years or even 10 years.  I will be glad to have my wife and son around for the adventure.  They have cancelled church for 2 weeks in a row out here.  I am rather frustrated b/c I remember faith promoting rumor stories where those in the heritage of faith would be sick and disappointed in the lack of faith and devotion in the time of bad weather trials.  I wonder at times if I have been able to help promote and inspire others to have more hope and faith in themselves while at work, church or play.

Who knows, it is late and I tend to think about stuff like this late at night when I should be heading to bed.  We will be losing the Elder that is from Logan, utah here tomorrow during transfers.  I believe that we were here to help him through some of his trials while he is/was here.  It has been nice to have someone here to understand the places that me and my wife hold dear to us and as a family loved and enjoyed.  Looking back, we still believe we made the right choice in leaving Logan to take this adventure, however now we are wondering what our next adventure will be and how soon we can return back to Utah, the land we love.  The West and more pointedly the Rockies and the Wasatch mountain ranges seem to call out to us.  Someone mentioned something today and I was reminded of Jackson hole and the Tetons.  I miss being in God's country.  Being able to look at the mountains and say let's go, and be in the wilderness and hiking with my family to nowhere.  Dennis is old enough to learn to ski and snowboard, yet we have no opportunities to go at this point.  I was reflecting on all the time I have spent in the snow and some of my more memorable times while in the snow.  I guess I should be grateful in many respects that in just one year I spent more time on the snow than many get to have in a lifetime.  I am a firm believer that people gravitate to the places they love and find things to do that will allow them to be where they want to be.  I am hoping that My wife and I will always have options.  So that we may have the freedom to exercise our choice and be allowed to make mistakes and learn, and then just get it right out of the gate.  I honestly miss what we had in Utah.  I miss the work, my friends and colleagues.  I miss the home we purchased and sometimes I think foolishly relinquished, but I know in my heart of hearts I was to choose to leave to go to Yale.  I miss looking out from my bed this view:
However, I am excited to embrace what lays before us. I really enjoy this Alan Cohen quote: "It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly
secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is
no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and
exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is

Anyway, it's time for these ramblings to be cut short as this bag of bones needs some rest. I have really been working out a lot lately and the Y being closed was a good thing tonight although I cannot understand at all why it was closed if it was for weather reasons.

Anyway, nighte world...Cheers!


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