2018 Check in 31 August

Melting in Central park

Checkin' IN!!!

Ok I started this post and then fired up my Thursday podcast and stars aligned!

Crushing Iron - 194 - Be Real With yourself!

Warning – cathartic thoughts for me, but a glimpse into me!

This has been an interesting week.  The issues that I was dealing with in my corporate responsibilities really tried to wade over into my endurance sports and associated activities.  What I am finding through reading the Craig L Manning book mention in other posts, is the following concept:

When should effort be applied to completely tuning something out vs turning down the noise?  I am thinking and trying to gauge how much effort is required for either option and what is the formula and the tolerance associated with it that I will use.  This doesn’t just isolate to the endurance sports dimension either.  Look, I am open and transparent in social media.  Not in a way to troll or undercut folks, rather it is the tool, method and platform that allows those to whom find me important and whom I find important, a simplified way to check in and remain connected.  There are indeed varying levels of connection, however when I al working all over, its our way to stay connected.  Further, The work lifestyle I selected and the stress, pressure and fatigue it puts on my wife and family.  Let’s be real, I can be closed up and unavailable and leave my wife wondering.  Too many of our friends operate this way.  Then when they are online it is negative, snarky, and too full of criticism.  Yes, I was that guy too and I was boiling over and blowing up.  It was just clearly articulate to me that what I was lacking was ‘attentional control’.  I disallowed myself to understand what was wrong.

In work life I tend to try to obtain what we refer to as ‘ideal models’ and steady states.  These things often demand and require varying levels of significant change and redirection, focus and controls.  We try to minimize things that are not in the ‘vertical’ or most direct path to achieve this or that.  The things in the gray space beyond the vertical is what I try to mitigate and reduce so it does not ‘creep’ and dilute the energy and focus to achieve a specific objective.  The ‘creep’ often happens when folks fall into two major vectors and categorizations.

The first is the one that ‘worries’ about all the what if’s.  Mark Twain once said something to the effect:

 “I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”  

I have noticed in the Pro positivity movement a lot of folks don’t understand or realize that mindset and being mindful is truly not just about blind positivity.  It is an active need to choose to do something.  To find the opportunities where available to focus on the positive and uplifting rather than alternatives.  It doesn’t happen over night either.  There is not a switch to flip and you are great at it if it is a weakness.  The first major step may definitely be identifying the need for change/adaptation/growth – but the unrealistic belief that imperfection to immediate perfection is destructive recipe for future resentments that may be SUPER difficult to untangle.  In recent years I have observed this in myself and plenty of areas outside of my control (observing others as an example). 

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
~~George Bernard Shaw

So how does this all wrap back and relate to endurance sports.  IN a couple of ways really.  First one of the best things to me about Endurance sports – particularly triathlon it is a series of opportunities to identify and deal with problems and known or unknown solutions. There are so many factors to entertaining and achieving satisfaction (varying levels exist and relate to the person in which it applies compared to themselves and their perspectives) .  It can be in having a great race/event, the journey, the training and/or a specific training block all the way back to understanding one’s ‘why’.  All of this just really demonstrates each comes from a diversity of options and the challenge of how to begin can be common ground, all other measurements and outcomes shouldn’t be so much compared rather than the common – identify when or why to ‘begin’!  So, let me step back a minute here. 

When I determined I was going to change, I had simply begun the process.  I have written about that event previously in a transformation Tuesday post.  Simply stated, my motivators to change finally came to the forefront on what I was choosing to focus on.  What I was consuming, what distracting noise was taking up my time.  When I looked around the plane and instead of comparing myself to others, I compared myself to me and my wife was right.  I was lost.  So, I made my first stretch goal – ironman.  Wow.  That’s freaking a big change.  First 5k run I went on with my wife, I walked mainly on a avg of a 16 min per mile avg.  Years past I was able to run 2 miles under 12 minutes in high school.  Similar in college.  And at least 8-minute miles 10 or so years previous.  I was a mess.

So unknowingly, I did what I knew how to do and that is critical.  I bought a bike, and I just put miles in.  Along the way, I learned things like Maximum Aerobic Function, how different zones affected heart rate, body weight, dynamics of nutrition and the lifestyle/journey vs epic milestones.  I learned about a discipline I still struggle with “Nutrition”.  I learned that I did really want to do an Ironman, but I didn’t know how to break up the goal into achievable tasks nor chunks.  So, I continued to focus on cycling, then started to run and pay more attention to things – I found a direction – I was starting to sharpen the spear.  In my first year of cycling I “mistaked” into soooo many things.  Buying the right bike and supplemental equipment.  Participating with a few friends.  The major flaw I had was no measurable information.  So, I also set out to buy “the watch” of triathletes, and then TELL everyone what I was becoming and what I was going to do.  Oh, ‘I’m a Cyclist’ and oh, I’ amtriathlete.  What I was yearning for was positive reinforcements (Subconsciously) to support my decision to invest in a bike, into running, soon swimming and ultimately me.  The I don’t fold to peer pressure guy, yearned for some peer positive feedback (Alannis – IRONIC!  Don’t ya think?)  And it isn’t just that, I was producing and reflecting noise that I didn’t know how to synthesize and internalize and capitalize on myself.

It continued, and I found out about the 70.3 option a HALF ironman vs the full.  Which, jumping ahead is my current favorite distance.  AND, I still have not tried a FULL 140.6 yet!  So I stumbled into things.  As a self coached athlete with the help of my wife, we dabbled and learned.  I built up wrong from nothing.  Example.  I woke up after building up to a 50 mile bike ride.  Well I made a wrong turn, then find out I made a wrong turn and muscled to a 100 mile century.  Sure I, I was able to muscle through it, but to what end.  I engendered the thought and the ‘incorrect’ mindset that I could fumble and muscle up.  In Endurance sports and in particular long course triathlon, oh hell no.  Its simply just a recipe to wreck where I am.  So, I set myself up to ramp up too fast at my first 70.3 in St George.  Yes, I DNf’d.  Yes I did finish anyway just over 9 hours.  Yes, I almost destroyed my knee.  I learned so many what I did wrongs.  It almost boiled down to the only thing I did right -  I showed up.

So, in this introspective – 25 hours in the mirror talk! Look, after the first one I had a few, who in the world do you think you are.  Whiskey tango Foxtrot what are you doing?  So, the follow up year, I was still amplifying based on noise that was around me too.  EVRYONE, and I mean EVERYONE KNEW that I was doing another Half Iron.  The question I feared – so how was the last one – change subject.  So about halfway through that cycle I remember getting some feedback.  It was warranted – but it was not solicited and in fact – it was wrong, but the nature of it not the details was a good message received.  So, I dialed back.  I tuned my noise down.  I throttled the dial.  And the outcome.  At my second event, I nailed it and knocked it out of the park.  Which was also a bit problematic.  So look.  I went back and looked at a photo.  My wife made me take the photo.  I knew what I was going to swim in the following morning.  Rain and t-storms were coming, and it was going to happen.  My wife was so pleased and amplified for me.  She knew I had put in the work, and I was getting a bit struck by the things that didn’t matter – I wasn’t disciplined yet in just letting what needs to happen come.  But the following day, when the swim came, and I swam a 52 minute vs a 1 hour 13 mins, and half way through I stopped rolled over, looked up took it all in and pee’d!   And then rolled over and got it done.  The rest of the race was a blur of pure near hypothermic suffering.  – check out my race thoughts here.

So where am I going?  Look, the actual noise that comes I have come to find out it can just go right on by.  Look, I know what I want now.  I want consistency.  I want to achieve through small iterative measurements.  I want to let tasks shape the goals but I can have a general direction.  I am grateful that my wife has alerted me to, her need to have me, refind this person I was becoming before I hit burn out after my 3^rd straight 70.3 in St George.  I was totally able to rip my swim down to 42 mins and my bike to a PR on that course also.  But the run tore me apart b/c of the effort required to pr my swim and bike during destructive winds.

My attentional control is becoming more controlled.  It is becoming more disciplined.  It is at times falling apart and being reshaped.   This has been difficult to get out of my DARKNESS and come out of my BURN OUT.  So the highlight of this week – it is a big cool thing:

Perfect night to melt, but I executed my plan

So my week went like this 2 mile run, 6 mile run, 2 mile run.  Then my 6 mile run.  I actually stopped and said, what is my purpose.  I want the first 4 miles to be at a consistent measurement – didn’t care what but it landed about 10/min mile per pace.  Then mile 5 – recovery, not walking BUT slow down!  So I did, then last mile run my best mile for the work out.  This was about discipline, this was not about best effort.  This was not about PR.  This was about – can you STOP and execute a plan and – a glimpse of are you COACHABLE???  I peeled a layer of the onion back.  I broke through a barrier.  B/c I Allowed myself to do it.  Yes the energy required to do so in MINDSET – it was a MOTHERFATHER soul sucking experience, but I did that without discipline the 2 previous runs.  I was able to do it.  Now.  What is next? 

As one of my more listened to motivational asks – 

"What will I Do with the time that I have left?

Hey, this was good for me. Thank you and if you read through my random ramblings, thank you. Thank you for caring, thank you for allowing me to bore or inspire or entertain you. The question is, what will we tune into? What will we do with the time we have left? Will I be afraid, or will I bear ‘fearless’ and let what I can control be controlled and let what I can’t happen, and then I adapt?

Until next time!

Activities - 

I use the following trackers:

• Garmin Connect (which pushes the files to the following services):
• Training Peaks
• Strava
• and the ones I don't remember (Map my stuff via Under Armour and things like the Great Bicycle ride initiative stuff)

Honestly, I mainly use Training Peaks as I pay for an annual subscription on it now, and it is the most detailed in data and other helpful information to keep me where I want to go.

Relevant Pics

Warm and humid and I find this.  F 451 :)

So I laid down  

But I survived!